Read About Another World
Interesting reading here
It's a homeless man's blog. He steps into a library to do it, but it's yet another example of the voice the internet gives any person willing to embrace it. I think more and more, that the internet is becoming far more dangerous to those in power. Just look at China, and it's attempts to censor the Internet.
It's not going over well with a minority of the people there. It's going over far worse with the people elsewhere.
I give alot of respect to this man for choosing to write about the experience. I've always wondered when I see someone homeless, how it all started for them. What caused it. Now I have at least one answer, from one man.
Not As Bad As Nuclear Fallout
I really can't believe this
I deserve it though. I just didn't think it would come so soon, or at all for that matter.
Everything I wanted to say is there though. Wish I coulda said it to her, but I don't think we're at that point. Nor do I think she would have accepted the invitation. What I would like, is any thoughts anyone else has. Did it really sound as bad as she did?
Am I becoming my sister? Fuck I hope not.
Anyway, yes... this is getting old. I have to get over it, and just stop with it.
So, I walked out of my apartment a few minutes ago, and to my surprise, I overheard someone in one of the apartments downstairs listening to Antagonist. Can't say I wasnt a bit surprised. It means one of two things: either someone in this apartment complex, other than me, comes from Whittier, or they are really starting to get a sizable fan base. I cant imagine what it would feel like to know people from our shithole of a town actually made something out of themselves. Either way though, I do wish them the best.
Peer Pressure? More Like Social Pressure.
Seriously, I'm just chilling in a lobby right now, and there are some very annoying people in here. They're "middle america" obviously. Anyway, it's just occured to me that almost everyone new I meet, smokes weed. It's seriously getting annoying. When did this become so socially acceptable? Look, I understand smoking weed every now and again. If you're a self declared stoner though, please, stop being an idiot.
And stop trying to hit on girls on XBL. It doesn't work.
God some people are idiots.
How Far We've Come... Not Far At All.
Wow. So I skipped an entire month in terms of posts. Alot of stuff happened. Too much stuff to recap shortly. I don't really want to try either. I Know exactly why I'm posting this. But I just don't know yet if it's the right thing to do. Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. I guess I can only be sure if I write it all down. That's the only way I can get rid of this weight on my chest, a weight I've been carrying for longer than I thought. A weight which I just now realized I was carrying.
Verne says my song right now is A Pinkerton one. As much as I love to piss him and Danny off by saying I don't like Weezer, He really is right. The song is "Why Bother"
There's a few misgivings. But the majority of it is right on. Especially the chorus. Overall, It's just not worth it anymore. I'm too insecure for my own good. Those insecurities are going to hold me back. I can't get into a relationship right now. I just can't. I'm still too pissed off at women in general to even think about it.
Anyway. On to other things. So I have another job. The job that keeps on giving... shit that is. Let me explain. I work in an italian restaraunt. A family owned one. I'm a busboy. I even work there with my sister. The place though, is a madhouse. I've said it before, it feel like I'm on one of those Discovery Channel reality shows. You know, like Monster Garage, or American Choppers. Stuff where there are people bitching at each other all day. That's where I work. We could probably get a show too, if there were room in the place for the camera's. The family is always shouting at one another, if not one of us. The owner, Achille, got pissed at me the other day for talking to my sister. More civilly than usual too. Melissa, a waitress there, is one of the most beautiful women I've ever met. One of the nicest too, but still intimidating, especially when I make an ass of myself. Kinda like today. It can be hell there. It really can. I don't know why I still do it though. Maybe part of me likes it.
It won't be like BofA though. God I miss that place. I really do. I don't miss the job, just the people. I really do miss the people.
I wonder sometimes, if I am missed.
I know my friends miss me. Sometimes. But there are others who I expect to call me every now and again. They don't. It's kinda like Mar. She never called. Said she loved me, wanted to hang out with me, even went so far as to like me. For a bit anyways. Never called though. I get that sometimes. You're busy, maybe you forget. But to never call, not cool.
Another thing to vent on... with Mar, at least, is the fact that she really pulled a number on me. I realize it with alot of clarity now. I realize this, because she's back with Jason. Yeah... Jason. You know the one
who treated her like shit, and bitches about his life constantly? Well maybe not anymore, I don't know and couldn't know, but still. How a person could just bitch so much that over time you go from annoyed to disgusted by it, amazes me. We used to be great friends, but he just changed the wrong way. Or maybe I changed. Mabe everyone around him changed. unlikely but possible. Damn, Where was I? Oh yeah, Mar. With Jason.
This after she said she "wasn't ready." You know what? cut the crap already. Please. I look at the pillow she gave me, and I'm torn between the nostalgic feeling of care and warmth in my heart remebering what she told me when she gave it to me, when she thought of me when I wasn't around, to the cold, hard, bitterness of what I'm almost pretty sure was a dissembling pity and trite intention. It's pretty shitty. The key thing though, is that I still have that pillow. It's on my bed even, not stuffed under it like some people might do. It still means something to me. Enough to where I can't throw it away.
If she told me the brutal honest truth though (which she may have already done, but I'm still too insecure to accept it as that) maybe we could still be friends. All I know was that the last time we hung out, it became increasingly uncomfortable for me, and also her.
and I'm talking to myself at night, because I can't forget...
Back and forth, through my mind, behind a cigarette.
Sounds good. I'm back though. Look for more post. Thanks to ender for getting my ass in gear again. More on me soon. To fill in on those near, far, curious, dissapointed, and those not talking to me for whatever reasons they may have.
Hello? Anyone there? I wonder if anyone still reads this. If so, then you're in luck. A new post for the first time in nearly two months. I came here a few days ago to check and see if this site still had a pulse. Turns out it does. Finish that post Mike. I figure I should start posting on here again. Im getting really tired of myspace. But I go on it just about every day since it is the one of the few means I have to communicate with my friends in Whittier and other areas nearby. I dont like using trillian to go aim anymore since there are many, many people I'd rather not talk to who use that. Im thinking of switching to GoogleTalk. I installed it earlier, but havent used it yet. Although a I can see why the guys on diggnation come down on it a lot. The interface is rather awkward, as the gmail interface is, and it loads at startup. I hate it when programs do that. Just because other people are completely inept and need everything loaded for them automatically when their computer starts doesnt mean everyone does.
So yeah... I do have the means. But I havent really had the motivation to use them lately. Maybe that's why Im posting this now. I've been keeping myself isolated more than usual. It seems as if I dont have the energy even to keep my friendships with other people going. After an entire day of being at school and work, I come home and watch tv, or read, or do something like this and go to sleep. I can't remember the last time I've gone out while I was here in San Diego. I have a feeling its happening all over though. Our apartment complex has been surprisingly quiet these past couple of weekends. I guess school is finally setting in. Things are changing as well. The group of people I have been a part of these past years is shifting a bit. Brian and Chris finally moved out on their own... away from Critter and the others. Other friends are coming and going as well. I suppose I could include myself in that category. It would have been nice if they hadn't all moved in together this year so I could have stayed with them, but it was not to be. Last year was nice since I was actually living with the people I wanted to live with (plus a few others). Now that I dont have that convenience I guess Im starting to miss it. And since I'll probably be coming home at the end of the year I wont get that opportunity again. But, all is not lost I suppose. Soon enough I'll finally get the opportunity to do that with the people really matter. I've just got to get the hell out of school. Im kicking myself for ending up on the five year plan.
In the meantime, I suppose I could try to stop being such a loner. I'll let you know if it works.