Wednesday, October 26, 2005

*frustrated sigh*

Well, fuck! Im feeling pretty good right about now. I just lost about an hours worth of work. One of the macros i wrote for the homework assignment I have been working on for the past three hours decided to malfunction and caused Excel to crash. Its also about two o'clock right now, so sleep is out of the question. And as if it werent bad enough, I cant breathe through my nose or smell anything. Things have really come to a head here. School has become so infuriating that I'm starting to wonder if this is where I really want to be. Im getting to the point where I just want to say "Fuck it" and go home for a year. Im sure my dad would be pissed, but I dont even know what the hell Im doing here any more. It still feels like Im going to college just to go. And if that is the case, I dont want to waste any more of his money. I know his concern, but I do want to finish school. And I doubt some crappy job, no matter how much it seems that I'm making a lot of money, will influence me otherwise. I know there is something out there that I really want to do... I just havent figured out what it is yet.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

This just might get alot worse, then I could have imagined. I'm going to work, and hope, for the opposite.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Thinking about the goood times.

If you haven't noticed, we've lost an author of the site. After careful consideration, it was the best conclusion to... something I really cared about. What happened is not for the public. It will stay with me, as much as it can, to prevent further problems from occuring. I'm just going to say, that the conclusion was not something I hoped for. It was in fact something I couldn't even fathom.

I understand the thinking behind it, as wrong as it was. Sometimes though, you just have to learn when something ends, it never really began in the first place. I honestly, truly, cared. I still do. Enough to not make it an obscene mash of self pity and depression.

I wish everything would have turned out different. Unfortunately it turned out the way it did. I'm going to accept it, not readily... but with time everyting that occured may actually strengthen me.

I'm not going to be vulgar, or as angry as you may think I might be, I'm just going to accept it as much as everything else I have, and learn from it. You taught me something as much as I taught you something. So we'll both part ways exactly like that.

I can't figure out how to end this, but I know that at some point it will end. I just hope you realize I cared enough not to make a spectacle of it. I've done that before, and I learned from it. It's not the answer.

In the meantime, I'll keep hope. Just as someone else taught me to do.

Thank you for everything you gave me. I really mean that.

I've heard that "growing up is giving up on the hope that the past could have different."

I have come to learn it's not that. No one should ever give up hope. I've finally learned that as well. Growing up is learning from the past, period. Not losing hope that it can be changed. It's taking your past experiences and having them at the ready for the next thing life throws at you. Life is never gentle. It never will be. You have to learn from every collective experience you've had, in order to be prepared to deal with the next thing life has in store for you. You can be ready for it. You just have to accept it in the first place.

I've said everyting I needed to say. I love everyone of you. All of my friends who read this, and the person it was meant for. I love you like there was no tomorrow. I hope I get to see you all live life with me. So we can support each other. Maybe I'm to idealistic and sappy, but I wouldn't change that for anything in the world. I am who I am. If that isn't enough, then I accept that. I hope you do too.

I will be exactly who I want to be from now on. Period. and The End.

Monday, October 10, 2005

i don't know

It is so confusing sometimes how so many people are sad and hurt and torn for whatever reasons while others feel no weight of life at all. I love being happy but sometimes pain seems more comfortable. Well no. I mean I love being happy, but when friends or family members feel differently, it’s like I have to follow suit. I have to feel depressed or angry as well. Or I want to? Maybe I just want to relate to them. Maybe I just want to understand and let them know I do... That they are not alone. Or maybe I just don’t want to feel lonely. Maybe by relating to them on one level, they will search for more similarities. A never-ending search for comprehension and companionship. Maybe all we want in life is someone who knows what our life is like. Someone who cares and wants to be a part of it.

God damn it's confusing.

Saturday, October 08, 2005

Unanswerable Questions

I can never tell what's going on. In anything. There's a certain part of my brain that never really understands the synapses of information firing inside of itself from it's multiple senses. Sometimes this is as simple as not recognizing a smell, or not hearing something.

Other times, it's just people. I don't understand alot of things about people. How could I not though? Aren't we all the same? Biologically, I'm not very different from anyone else. If that's so, how do our brains contemplate an entirely different personality?

Why are some people assholes? Why are some people innocent? Why are some people just there?

What possesses a person to not question themselves to find out the truth?

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Four-eyes be gone

Well. My glasses died. So no more beatnik, hippie Erin. If I had money I'd replace them, but since I'm completely broke, it's gonna be contacts for now.

Seems like I am mediator again between friends. I hate that. I love being there and helping them, but being the in-between sucks.

I might write lyrics for a techno song my friend is writing for his graduation portfolio. ... Sounds kind of funny. Only at a school like Berklee do people produce techno songs and other random stuff for final projects. I wonder what I am gonna have to do for my graduation portfolio? I should probably look it up. ... Dude, it is really starting to creep me out that I will have graduated by next December. WTF!

New musical find: Broken Social Science

Famous last words: That apple does look tasty.

When was it, that I lost all of my will power? Does anybody else know? I've been trying not to give into to things, but lately it has been increasingly difficult not to give in to temptation. My friends are familiar with my beliefs about bootlegging. I tend to shy away from things like that. I'd much rather let the anticipation build in my mind until something is officially released. But, since one of my roommates has an extensive collection of dvds that have yet to be released, its quite tempting to watch them. I already caved once and saw the Family Guy movie, which is hillarious by the way. I suggest you see it if you havent already. I caved again last night as well. Whats worse is that this is probably the movie I have been most anxious to see. I stopped watching about ten minutes into it because it was of poor quality. 1: it was a vcd and nowhere near dvd quality, and 2: it was in Japanese (hint, hint). I'll bet at least Mike can guess what it is. At least from what I saw it looks like it will be worth the wait. Anyone care to watch it with me when it comes out?

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Random Thoughts I Had Last Night While Laying In Bed

Are humans born with instincts or do they develop them? [Not present day man, but when man was first created.]


If Bill Cosby worked in a Jell-O factory, would he get anything done?

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Hollywood Halo

What all started as rumors way back in 2002, has become a very ambititous project. The fine folks at Bungie were excited by the idea, yet at the same time worried. Nothing had a great track record. Nothing. Games to Movies? not that great. The ones that were probably best were the Mortal Kombat movies, and possibly the Resident Evil series. Super Mario? Don't even go there.

SO what about their property. I mean, after all, Halo 2 did take in over $125 million in it's first day out. There are fans all over the world, rabid, loyal, and just as excited at the prospect of a movie. If...

and Only IF...

It's done right.

And that was the problem. If you don't know the history, The movie got it's first glimpse of light back when microsoft hired Alex Garland, who did the screenplays for both "The Beach" and "28 Days Later"

Then Microsoft slapped a price tag on the property and shopped it around. Asking price? $10 million up front, and %10 percent of the films sales. They sent out messengers in Master Chief suits, delivering the scripts for the for the hollywood big wigs to review.

They kept getting no's. Until Universal and Fox called them back. They both wanted rights, but the price was too steep. It was adjusted, and Universal was to handle production and domestic distribution, with Fox handling international distribution.

Halo players all over worried. Fox? They did AvP didn't they? Bad track record. Then more rumors swirled. Uwe Boll was directing. The guy that did Alone in The Dark?!?! WHO SAW THAT?!?! And the Doom movie? the one that was supposed to be badass?!?! turning out not badass. Everyone worried. How could it not suck!?1?!?

Everything else was quiet. Until today.

Bungie officially announced the Executive Producer of the film.

Peter Jackson.

The man who took two well established franchises and flipped everyone off as he made himself a hollywood icon. There is very little chance, that this movie is gonna suck. If anything, This will be the best game to movie transistion ever. That's not saying much, but I am giddy.

With peter Jackson on board, that also means another thing. WETA.

This movie cannot suck.

Monday, October 03, 2005

Harvey Danger lives dangerously

Ultimate props to an artist I never really thought about. Harvey Danger Has decided to release their third album online. Free.

Yes. Free. You can Download it from them (and really make it cost money) or be unltra-nice and grab the torrent.

This is the first I've heard of any artist doing this. I congratulate them. I know for sure, that if I like this album, I will buy it. Just to show those bastards who scream about file sharing, that it actually does help sales.

Here's the link to the Download page, and also an explanation from them as to why they decided to make this album, entirely free for those who want it.

Download NOW!!!

Saturday, October 01, 2005



I just wanted to be the one to make it an even 80 posts.

There. My job is done.