Monday, May 30, 2005

I wish I knew I wasn't delirious

Wow. What the fuck man? where have you been?

In a cave. A mental one at least. I've just been too caught up in everything.

What's everything?

Everything, meaning work. For the most part.

I take it there's alot you can talk about, but want to keep it short for the sanity of both your readers and yourself.


Well then how is work?

It's cool. It's cooler than I thought it would be. That could change, but I like working there.

Just for clarification, where do you work?

I work for Bank of America, at their Brea corporate office.

You must milk that for all it's worth.

Why shouldn't I? and you would know.

Yes I would. So why are you writing like this?

Because I love stealing idea's, but I do give credit to Brad for this. It's interesting at least.

Pfft, you think.

So what if I do?

Anyway, moving on, what's going on in that lovely head of yours?

Too much, right now I'm utterly disgusted by this queue that gets longer in an IRC chatroom. Overall though, I'm also upset with alot of things in my life.

Like the fact that most people treat you like shit?

Not most people....

Oh horseshit, even the people that you thought would help prevent certain things from happening, didn't, and now you're left in this hole where you think that no one cares.

That doesn't mean they treat me like shit.

I'm stuck. I want to say true, but I don't think it is. In your eyes a person that is ignorant is as bad as a person who's causing it.

You're pretty convincing.

Of course I am. Just for clarification, we are talking about the recent trips to Anaheim where you've been pressured into either, A. doing something you don't want too, and getting ridiculed along the way, or B. hanging out around Michelle.

I plead the fifth.

There is no fifth in your head, answer me you pussy.

Generally pleading the fifth-

Yes or No?


Bah. You're still not comfortable with talking about this.

Yeah it's pretty sad when you're having a Q&A with yourself and you still can't figure shit out.

You're telling me. So I take it you still want to keep that whole feeling you got a while ago, and... still have right now, from everybody else?

What? you mean the dropping off the face of the earth one?

Way to just shout that one out.

It was bound to happen.

Why would you want to do that to everyone?

Well I did it before for the most part. I just stopped talking to people I didn't want to anymore.

Why did you feel like that?

Because things got repetitive. That and they hindered me in some way.

So are the people you're hanging out with now hindering you?

I wouldn't say that, but they aren't helping.

What's with you and everyone having to help? why can't you just accept the fact that you have to do shit you don't want to alot in life? Why can't you just roll with it, and maybe even enjoy it?

You sound like Juan, except alot more sane about it.

He does have an influence, but like you I wish he was less of an asshole about it.

Of course you do. I hope for the same thing, but it doesn't seem like-

Don't try and change the subject, answer the question.

... I do try too, but sometimes it's really something that I am uncomfortable with. What really gets me though, is when I do actually go with the flow, It's never recognized. When I don't I'm belittled for it. Then I just don't want to talk to anybody. I get more pissed off, then I can't enjoy it at all.

You're pissed at Yvette huh?

Wow, that came out of left field.

I do my best.

Fuck you.


I suppose I am. It's not anything she does, it's how she still likes inviting Michelle placers, when she knows I'll be there. She isn't exactly too sharp on that. That's mostly it, except the other day when I was sick.

You still are sick.

Yeah, well anyway she made a comment about how I was staying home instead of going out. She sounded like Juan far too much. All I could think was, I'm really sick you asshole!! Thanks for believing me.

Speaking of which, who kept calling when you were sick?

Juan. Which was really cool. It made me feel better about the whole situation, but for some REALLY fucked up reason, which I don't believe, I feel that there was somekind of ulterior motive.

Dude, that's fucked up. He just wanted to hang out with you.

I know, that's the way I feel but...

But you think that he wants to hang out with you just to talk shit?

I wouldn't know, and I'm not gonna speculate.

I think you're just throwing me a curveball so there's something interesting to read.

Yes, that's exactly it.

You sarcastic son of a bitch.

Yeah well, I believe that he just wanted to hang out with me, and that he was worried.

So that download started?

Yeah, it'll be done in about six minutes.

What is it?

I'd rather not disclose that, but I have already bought the damn thing, it just hasn't come out yet.

I know what it is.

Of course you do.

Well I am the devil's advocate in you!

Get behind me satan...


You know it.

Well I'm out of questions.

I'm also out of time.

You gonna start posting again?

possibly. I've come to that point where all the stuff I was gonna write about has become old news, so I have a fresh slate. I hate it when interesting things start getting jammed in this queue, and I get too lazy to start wrting about it because it will be too long.

Amen to that.

Friday, May 20, 2005

They call me Lando Griffin

Is it just me, or are the new episodes of Family Guy not up to par? I've seen the first three episodes, and only the first one was really impressive. Im sure it will just take time for the cast and crew to get back into the swing of things, but I hope Family Guy will not fall into the trap as The Simpsons. Just a concern I had. What else am I going to write about at 4:30 in the morning.

On a more positive note, I saw the new Star Wars the other night. I was expecting it to be better than the first two, but I didn't think it would be as good as it was. I wont go into specifics, but I think it was on par with the originals. Go see it. And Verne... make things easier on everyone else and buy your ticket this time.

Saturday, May 14, 2005

Fighting for obliviousness

My first night out in a long time happened today. It started with Juan getting his car really. It's a 92' Firebird. It's nice, and runs pretty good. Since he got the car, he desperately wanted to go out to Chain Reaction to see Yes, Dear. Yes, Dear is the new band of the two main members of Ozma. They were alright. It got kind of repetitive after a while, but Verne seemed to like them. Before them though, was a very interesting band call Color Turning. There was a Sparta influence to their music, with a hint of Radiohead. It was a good mix, I enjoyed their set the most. After the show ended, we decided to go see Yvette, who was at the Santa Fe train station in downtown Fullerton.

As soon as we got out though, I regretted it. Yvette had previously invited Michelle to go, while we invited ourselves. As much as I wanted to leave, I sucked it up and went with the flow, as Juan suggests I do. Be Verne he says. I'm going to write this here, because it needs to be said. I'm not Verne. I will never be Verne, nor would I want to be Verne. If I don't want to do something, because it would be awkward for me, I don't want my friends to ignore that and tell me to "go with the flow."

I tried avoiding her presence as much as possible, and her friend Erica. She was very pretty, but as much as Michelle, she was not someone I would want to meet. Soon, I found out that Bobby was there, and I talked to him as much as possible. It was inevitable though, and Michelle soon addressed me, and I responded. I have to admit, I didn't mind her being there as much as I thought I would. It still bothered me, as much as it bothered me when she showed up at the motel on my birthday. I still want nothing to do with her. I honestly have no real reason for it. She never hurt me, but I can't help but feel pathetic when I remember everything I thought about her. I thought she was someone totally different then she was. I feel like she lied to me, and her ruse was malicious and deceptive. I liked her a lot. I liked the inside jokes we shared, the talks late at night on the phone, and I liked her energetic nature. It was all a con to me though. I blame myself for it. For allowing myself to trust her so much, and to be blinded by her outgoing demeanor. That is who she was, I just got a different picture, and when I found out the difference I felt more pathetic and embarrassed than I have ever in my life. I don't care about so much about what happened. If I did, I wouldn't be talking to Matt or Juan. She does, however remind me of all of those thing I don't want to be reminded of. How foolish I am when I like somebody. How I trust them completely without truly knowing them. That's why I don't want to see her again. Not because of her, but because of me. She causes the most complicated situation ever in my head, even when I hear her name, because I am reminded of myself at my weakest. My most vulnerable.

I don't know if I can describe it better, but I'm suddenly reminded of all of it, and the one thing that saved my ass tonight, from being consumed by it, was Shinai. Apparently this happens every Friday. Shinai is basically sword combat, with the Shinai, a bamboo training weapon, used to simulate battles.

Yvette was droning on about how she wanted to "fight with the sticks." I was disinterested at first, but when I saw Erica try it, I simply watched. It seemed to be easy, but I was reluctant to try it. Verne didn't want too, and Yvette tried, while failing miserably. Juan took a shot, but didn't like it because it was more complicated than it seemed, and his wrist didn't help, because the technique revolves around the wrist. I started listening to the instructions of the fighter. He name is Jesse, and he's a pretty cool guy. He took an eye on Erica, which she very clearly wanted, because she flashed us from a balcony, but he showed any of us who wanted to learn, how to fight. I finally decided to "go with the flow" and try it out, hoping it would keep my mind off of everything I had been thinking. It worked. I also must say, I liked it. It is rather slight movements, but the technique is so simple it becomes complicated. You want to swing the shinai with might, but the goal is speed. You tense up, when you're supposed to relax. It's mainly twisting of the body and flicking of the wrist, and that was just blocking.

We're supposed to go back next friday, and I am looking foward to it.

Monday, May 09, 2005

What a strange week

So, yeah, as you can probably already tell, its been a really weird week. It started off bad, and got progressively shittier as the week dragged slowly on. Started off by failing a test. Thats never good. Then I found out that the guy I'm supposed to be living with next year did something really fucking stupid and cant stay with his friends anymore. I know what youre thinking, but it wasnt some stupid petty chick drama. It was the kind of thing that would probably make you set sail on the ship of "Lost Souls." Did I mention this is the ship of "Lost Souls?" Sorry just had to get a Simpsons reference in there to keep me from shuddering at the thought. It was that fucked up. When he told me the first thing I thought was "Damn, I dont even think Juan would do something like that." I wont mention it here since its not really important.

As usually, school sucked and work sucked, but the week eventually ended. Then came the weekend. Critter and the guys ended up drinking my beers, and still havent payed me back. We had a small gathering for cinco de mayo, and had the cops called on us by one of our neighbors. Fuck them! But it was a good night. I saw a lot of people I had lost contact with over the break. Just a really relaxing night... like Mikes party. I didnt do shit today really. Played FFXI pretty much all day. I ended up talking to some chick that Brian was helping gain experience. She ended up giving me the url to her myspace profile. Found out that it actually was a girl, and she lived in South Carolina. Brian and I have said on many occasions, if we ever met girls that played final fantasy, we'd marry them. No questions asked. In this case we'd have to settle for getting married in the game, which you can do, in case you were wondering. I looked at her profile too, and shes not bad looking either. Which gives me hope there is a hot nerdy chick out there somewhere waiting for me to find her. I've just got to keep looking.

Friday, May 06, 2005

And you thought you were better than me...

So, interestingly there have been more reprecussions than I expected from my last post. It seems as if jason did read it, which is fine, I mean, I expected him too. I didn't expect a reaction or anything, but what actually surprised me was that I set off Marlinda too. She made a post of the same nature. Honestly, Jason, if you're reading this, much like you I was not in the right state of mind, and things that I wrote were a bit harsher than they should have been. I apologize for that. Those are however thing that I have been thinking instead of saying. Maybe it's cheap but those are my thoughts and opinions and you can take it how you want.

I make sure to never edit my posts. They are the way they are and that's how they should be. This is the place to express that, lest I save it for the spot.

Today though, is not a rambling of needless bitching, or even a time for reflection. This right now is a very good post. I haven't yet gotten total closure on the subject, but it looks as I will become an associate at Bank of America. I can't possibly stress how good I feel about that. This being my first job, I can't help but feel very lucky. It's a damn good job. Good pay, benefits, vacation, but more importantly, there are many opportunities there. I love the environment. It's very businesslike, but it's laid-back, and casual. I can't wait to start working. I had the main interview today. The day before I thought I was going in for an interview, but it turned out to be the assessment tests, which will qualify you for a phone interview. Then if you make the grade on that, you move to the actual interview. I must say, I was extremely confident during this interview. I don't think I was ever caught off-guard by a question, and I think my answers were well suited. After that I got a tour of the floor. I don't think they'd do that for people they weren't going to hire, but when I asked when they would get back to me, my interviewer said within 48 hours. I'm just waiting for that final call.

SO...... today was a good day.

Finally, I'd just like to add that our young Ender has made a very convincing point about text lines vs. voice acting in a game. Although I don't think it's a good reason for me to play more RPG's than I already do, his point is damn good. Really though, if you played say, Metal gear Solid with text, I don't think I would come up with Snake's already kick ass voice, acted out by David Hayter screenwriter for the past 2 X-Men movies. Talk about good adaptations...

Also, there will ber a review of Forza Motorsport coming, if I can find the time to stop playing it to write about it.

Thursday, May 05, 2005

Sometimes you just need to keep your mouth shut

You know, I just realized the title is a Green Day lyric. I didn't do that intentionally. Honestly. Anyway, I had a thought at work today. I know the three people that actually read this will no doubt find this interesting. I was thinking back to days long ago when things were simple. How I miss the good ol' days, when text boxes were abundant in video games. I doubt anyone agrees with me, but I'd take text boxes over crappy voice acting any day. I hope they decide to implement it again into games for the next-gen consoles.

So maybe I am a little biased, since I mostly play rpg's. I suppose text boxes wouldnt work for every type of game, but it should at least make a comeback with rpg's. Having a person provide a voice for charaters works to undo everything a good rpg is... a ROLE PLAYING GAME. Essentially, you are giving yourself the lead role. You can do that while the character is talking at you. It feels more like you are a spectator watching the character instead of the character him/herself. With textboxes, you give the character YOUR OWN VOICE, or one you envision he/she should have. Additionally voice acting takes away one of the greatest features rpg's usually have... the ability to name your character. Sure its downright nerdy to name a cast of characters in a game after your friends (dont look at me like I'm the only one who does this. There are others.), but it works to create the illusion that you are actually in the game.

So in summary, text boxes = good, voice acting = bad. Just had to clear that up. I hope I've been able to kill some of your time.

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

"What do you think I'm new or something?"

The above title was something that was said to me by a fascinating gentleman on a motorcycle with flashing lights and sirens after he caught me speeding. It was also before he gave me another ticket. So with that, my day was done. It's pretty shitty getting 2 tickets in a row.

This one I kept from my parents, since well... all hell would break loose. I hope they never find this site. I doubt they will, unless someone is bright enough to put my internet handle in google. Gee, I wonder if this would show up. Lemme check... Hmmm. it's there. but it's only there if I put blog too. Well at least within the first few pages, I was too lazy to go farther back with just Obsydian. My webcam was like the 5th result though. Yay for me.

I know I haven't made a post in a while. I've been well, lazy about it. I was hoping others might post in my absence, but alas, I was wrong. So here's an update. I got a ticket. BOO!!!!

This really blows.

I don't know what else to write. I figure maybe it's time I do some bitching, so I'll direct it towards someone else and one of their writings. Let me explain first off, things have been going downhill with this person since I introduced him to one of my lady friends. Actually it was before that. It actually started degrading when I seemed to be the butt of his internet powertrip. Ahh fuck this. I'm trying to avoid using his name, but I can't. It's Jason. This was once a guy that I hung out with nearly every day. He was cool, but shit just started happening. He started becoming elitist, and it annoyed me. Then I introduce him to Marlinda, they start a relationship that quickly evaporates because of his belittling nature. He talked shit nearly half the time I was with him, and when he wasn't talking shit, he was telling a story that I'd heard 5 minutes before. I really try and help my friends, I really do, but Jason was just too much bullshit for me to handle. He wallows in this depression for no real reason. Maybe it goes back to his original depression when he broke up with Sheri, but I can't know for sure. I understand alot of his problems, especially his brother, but for fucks sake, he needs to get over some pretty petty shit.
I dunno if he'll read this. It's plastered over every profile I've ever made, but I don't think I care anymore. I'm not trying to offend him, I'm just giving a bit of reason as to why he wonders why his friends have "left."

If you wanna be depressed, do it when you're like Brad. I just started talking to the guy again, and it's funny because the timing couldn't be more ironic. One of his friends from Whittier when he left, I'm back to being his friend when he comes back. if you don't know his story, go read. Now there is something to be depressed about. It's a legit reason. His girlfriend dumps him, he loses a home and a job, and has nowhere to go but the place he tried escaping from. Then his last ditch effort to try and survive in this world is turned down for a really really stupid rule.

Or how about my good friend Juan? Who doesn't have a father to speak of, a mother who, for the most part hates him, Brothers who cast him out for various reasons, one of them because he's pretty much just pussy whipped. He's turned to his friends. For all the shit he's done, I shouldn't even help him, but I do. He's done alot for me, and frankly, He's the kind of guy who would take a bullet for me, and fuck. That's enough. He's been in jail dammit. He's in massive debt, but does he constantly whine about it or beg for help? Fuck no!!! he asks, politely I might add, and if he can't get it done that way, he gets it done himself. His heart is in the right place, it's just his head we have to worry about.

But here we have Jason, who whines. That's it. He whines. He bitches about his job, his love life, and his family, but fuck man. He has a job. He has a fucking home. Food on the table. His love life? That's his problem for being a jerk and telling a really nice girl, "Bitch, make me a sandwich." Honestly, I never once thought he was kidding. He knew what he was saying as much as I know what I'm saying right now. It's your problem. Grow the fuck up and help yourself.

As far as I'm concerned, I'm alone in this world. I admit, I do have a safety net. I have friends who will help me out, but that's because I treat them like friends, not shit.

I really, really had good times with Jason. I think the last being the X-Games. Since then, I haven't talked to him much. His righteousness in nearly everything he does, coupled with an attitude and extreme opportunism, has destroyed alot of friendships. I'm still willing to hang out with him, but when I do, it'll probably be like Amber. You cross the line, get the fuck out.

Jesus. That was a long rant. I guess I had to vent.

Oh yeah, thanks to all my friends who said Happy Birthday to me. It means alot. If you didn't know, I had a pretty wicked time on friday. My friends put together a nice little box social with plenty of alcohol. It was a really great time. Love ya all!