Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Thunder Cracks

It just did. Odd weather we're having. Although it certainly does fit the mood I am in. I finally got my new computer up and running. It's been running the past couple days, but here's my first post. I'm a little surprised with the way things have been going right now.

I went to Juan's yesterday, and I got so bored I left. I went to hang out with Brad, and I just couldn't stop laughing. I saw Matt there, and I know we're pretty much not friends anymore. There's no real animosity, but we never call each other, or want to hang out. I still owe him a breakfast though. Juan is just talking far too much shit, Verne is still cool to hang out with, but not when he's around them. There is way too much shit floating around between them. I don't want to get the feeling it's me, but when you walk in the room and they stop talking, you can't help but think that.

With them, I feel like I am nobody anymore.

I'm not a friend anymore.

I don't trust them at all, I'm always suspicious of their actions, and I feel like everything is a setup, just to make me look like an ass.

That's really the worst part. You hear and see the whispering or the ends of conversations, and you can't help but just think, of maybe how much better off you'd be with or without them. I can't help it anymore. I told myself I wouldn't write or post any of this, but after this past weekend, I need to leave it there. I can't carry it with me. I will though.

I don't know how they changed, but they did. Looking back at everything, it was good. For a time. I love Verne's comment... "Don't be happy... it will end."

I didn't believe him. When it ends though, it's as bad as it really sounds.

Let me put it this way, it always seems as if Juan and Matt, are just dragging their nails across a chalkboard, whenever I'm near.

What do I do from here? I dunno, find a nice girl perhaps. I have the perfect one in mind.

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