Thursday, June 09, 2005

Waste of Space

That's pretty much what this is. A waste of space. Kinda like Verne's, except more constructive and still within the realm of blogging. I mean that in the sense that I'm more thinking to myself and writing, rather than asking the reader a question which they can't answer.

It's ok, Verne is new to this whole blogging thing. I mean he could have done a review of "Get Behind Me Satan" the new White Stripes album, but he'd rather just ramble and not think constructively. Yeah, he's always contributing to the intellect of this blog I tell you!

Speaking of intellect, You would think that a rather smart person such as myself would be able to manage their money better, but that's not completley true. I need to cap my spending limits. I spent over $200 this week. Well it is less. I tried to make it on $100 but a few unexpected things came up. I still have debts to pay too. When you make money it gets blown pretty fast. I still have cash though. None that I will touch though, so it's as good as gone.

I got a very nice phone call the other day from a young lass named Erin. Hadn't heard from her in a while, so it was a very nice surprise. we talked about a few things, but it was pretty late, like right now, so I had to go. Like I do now. I'll just say a few more things and then go.

I'm a fool. I'm at this point of sick desperation for a relationship that I've accepted it, but I won't do anything about it. I'm so desperate I feel that I have no worth, this in turn provides a serenity, not a depression. It's like having nothing. Since I have nothing I don't really want anything. I know I'm going nuts without any sort of crush or purpose with my love life, but it is kinda eating away at itself. It is a very odd feeling. I'm conscious of my desperation, but the desperation has gone into such a high gear it's eroded my will away, and that's left me with a nothing that I think about, accept, and enjoy.

Actually, it's more like this. There are a few girls I would want to date and hang out with, but they are inaccessable to me, this has led to a "well fuck, there ain't shit I can do, let's move on," kind of thought. When I move on though, they are still inaccessable, so I get this repatative motion going. It sucks.

It's a mix of both.

Shit, I have to go to bed.


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