Monday, April 11, 2005

Go on now get down with the sickness...

I was implying the Richard Cheese version of that song. Anyone whos seen the new Dawn of the Dead should know what Im talking about. That song always makes me laugh.

So yeah, I have fallen ill yet again. I've come down with a bout of nostalgia. Its not very severe. Things like this come and go with me all the time. I dont understand why I still get them. Something happens to trigger it and I just cant stop thinking about some aspect of my past. I've noticed it happens a lot when Im listening to the song Whatsername on the American Idiot album. I tend to think of my old friend Karen a lot when I hear it. Probably because she has a shrine dedicated to Green Day. I'm pretty sure that is the reason I started talking to her again in the first place. Just now I spent about 20 minutes on myspace trying to look up people that went to my elementary school. I dont know who I was looking for, or what I would do if I recognized someone. But something made me do it. It all revolves around the same stupid fantasy I've hung on to all this time... my rockstar fantasy. I imagine it would be the greatest thing in the world to become rediculously famous and have people that used to know me, all my enemies, everybody who made fun of me as a kid, all the girls who ignored me, etc., see me on television so I could laugh at them and flaunt my success in their faces.

Right now I cant think of anything else that could feel so good. I've got my mind set and the emo music playing. All I need now is my guitar, and a band. If I seriously still considered that I could actually do something like that, maybe I would be further along in the process. Still never been in a band, and I dont play guitar all that often anymore. Never written a song, never tried to write lyrics. So whats stopping me? Maybe I'm actually convinced that I'm doomed to a life of mediocrity. I keep asking myself why I would hang on to such a stupid dream. I guess i still want to believe that its something that could actually happen. Maybe I dont want the whole 9 to 5 life. Maybe I want something out of the ordinary. Maybe its not something as over the top as becoming famous. But I fear Im already stuck with the the whole 9 to 5 setup. I mean, I am going to college after all...

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