Thursday, April 07, 2005

Funny thing was, I'd seen her before.

There are two types of dreams a person has that they remember, for a long time after they wake up. Perhaps forever. There are the ones that are so completley messed up you can't forget it. When a person you know or love dies, when you're about to die, a traumatic experience, etc. The other ones though, are the complete opposite. The ones that are so beautiful, so good, and so real, that you just can't forget them. I usually struggle to stay in those dreams. It never happens. Ahh well. At least I can still remember them.

What was my dream about you ask? I can't be specific, since I was focused on certain things.

Like the delapidated camper that became parked in my backyard. Lots of my family were over, and of course some of my friends. They varied though. They never stayed. they came and went. From what I can remember, it started out on my street. It was dusk, and some family friends of my parents came over. One of my friends was over, but it was no one I know now. Maybe a future friend, maybe one of those mixes of friends. He was a little bit wild, but was calm most of the time. The scene changed, and I was looking inside my house. From the outside. More people were over. More family. They were passing by, dropping off things for a party of some sort. My friend was careening up and down the street, on some sort of go-cart. That's when I saw the camper.

I knew what it was, and I hurried up to it. I knocked on it, and sure enough it was exactly what I'd thought. It was this girl. I can't tell you who it was.

There are never who's in your dream. There are just these people, and your mind automatically assigns both a personality and a history to them. If they are your friend or if they are your enemy. Etc.

I hugged her, but she remained standing there. She had long brown hair, and was a new-age hippie of sorts. She was a nomad, constantly traveling, but she was back. I knew the character though. She'd been in my dreams before. Once. She left, and she said she wasn't going to come back. She was a crush, I know that much. In some way I think she's this weird mix of a few girls I know.

I had seen it before. Not in real life, but in my dreams.

I was suddenly thrown out, and a realization came to me that she didn't know why she came back. It was agianst her rules. My friend sat there, his mouth moving, but no sound coming out. I knew what he was saying. She left you before. You were younger then. Show her you're a man now. I looked around. It was night now, but the camper was lit up.

It was parked in my driveway, which in it's dreamlike state stretched and altered between my house and my neighbors. It stretched farther back, but there was alot of room, and it sat diagonally between the two houses, with the rest of my driveway leading back into my garage, which was working, empty, and clean.

My mom was outside, talking to my brother and my aunt. They were laughing, and my brother and my aunt were poking fun at me. I scowled and looked at the trailer again. Buddy sat there, then got back in the go-cart. I couldn't just go into the trailer with my family right there I thought to myself. I told buddy to make a distraction with the go-cart. He nodded, and roared up the street. From his point of view he raced down the street, headlong into a pair of headlights, which swerved out of the way as he did. He careened over a hedge and landed in my yard. The family was thuroughly distracted, and I walked to the camper. Before I could knock, it opened, and I was pulled in.

She stood there, and i got a good glance at her. Her long brownish-gold hair warped to short, and darker. She suddenly looked eerily akin to a character from trainspotting. It was still her though. She asked me what I was doing here. I asked her the same. She never replied, and neither did I. We both knew why we had come back to each other. I kissed her, hard, and hugged her as tight as I could. She whispered in my ear, saying she was sorry. she weeped gently, but I didn't care. i was too focused. My hand went wild, and tore off her pants. Things progressed, and she remarked that she had a boyfriend. I shrugged it off. It was impossible for her. She left me, and for some reason, my mind insisted that we were in love before, which is why I was allowed to be doing what I was doing now. She left me. Even in love, and now she came back. There was no one else besides me. That's when it happened.

I always listen to music when I sleep. I do it to fall into sleep faster, otherwise my mind races with thoughts. A side-effect of this is sometimes my dreams are pierced by the music. Even in my deepest states of sleep, if my mind recognizes the music, it applies the dream to it. That's what happened here. Godspeed, which I have been listening to far too much lately, was suddenly interwoven.

I kept going, as much as she insisted I didn't. It wasn't that she didn't want to, it was that she didn't want to feel pain if she ever lost me. I knew I wasn't going anywhere. So I hurried. I went down on her, and she writhed in pleasure. I did it exactly how matt told me he did it, with my arms wrapped over her legs. It was odd. I thought for a brief second, that this was it. Thsi was all I wanted. It was her, I wanted to give her everything I had. Immediate joy filled my heart, and that was the happiest point of my dream. I woke up in the trailer and glanced around. I was late I realized. I didn't know for what but I was late. I looked around. She wasn't anywhere to be found. I smiled. She's already there. I got up and dressed, and walked outside.there are lots of people there. It's the party people have been preparing for. I walk around, looking for her. She's sitting in the corner with my friends. I walk there and talk. People leave, and the party ends. she gets up and walks back to the camper. I follow, but she stops me at the door. I stand there, a bit shocked, but whatever. She needs to change she says. I realize I need to do the same. I walk into my house, and change. nice clothes. We're going somewhere. Everyone is. My parents are dressed and standing with my aunt and uncle outside. We're on the freeway next. Me and my sister. I'm driving. I'm going fast as usual. trying to beat everyone there. trying to see her. She's already there I think to myself. The violins of "dead metheny" are still rampant in my dream. I see this silver car, weaving in and out of traffic. I follow it, and then pull into the lane next to it and speed up. The car accelerates with me. There's a car up ahead. I have to beat this asshole. I look over and there are five people crunched inside. they're ominous looking, like the vatos from los angeles. The drums of dead metheny begin rolling. I have to beat him. the car in front of me is approaching rapidly, and I'm halfway to beating the guy next to me. The engine screams, but I push it past redline. The horsepower pulls me forward, I shift, and swerve to his lane, my back end grazing his front bumper, and my bumper narrowly missing the car that was in front of me. He flashes his lights, and honks, and pushes his car into my back bumper. I pulled away from him then.

I reach my destination, and exit the car. Everyone else is already filing in. It's a big mansion, and as I walk into the foyer, I look at the marble floors and the red carpet. People are around drinking. I guess it's a wedding of some sort. It's already dusk. I wander around, and suddenly I see four men approach me. It's the vatos. The surround me, and my sister looks on. I'm terrified, but out of the corner of my eye, I see her. She's walking upstairs, she doesn't even notice me. The vatos are pissed, and they talk about how they're going to beat me into a pulp. My manner changes, and I tell him to stop talking, and show me what he's made of. He lunges at me and throws a punch. I fall backwards, until I'm lying on the floor, and I see his punch connect with the guy standing behind me. The other guy lands his punch. On the one who just hit him. Suddenly the four of them are engaged with each other. I'm on the floor covering my head, while staring up at them. I scramble between their legs and run up the stairs. I start seaching for her frantically, but I can't find her. There are many rooms. I tear open the doors on each of them. Finding people asleep, or no one at al in the rooms. I keep searching. I can't find her. Dead Metheny has long since ended, and Kicking horse Begins. I still can't find her. I suddenly collapse on the floor. I realize why she cried the night before. After my kiss. She was leaving again. I pounded the floor with my fists, and ran to the car. I raced back home, some hope still in me that she's there. I wasted alot of time looking for her, but I can beat her. I can beat her. I'm home, and I tear open my door and run to the camper. The lights are on. I pull open the door, and look inside. I see the sheets, still rumpled and hanging of the bed. The way I had left them. She's not there.

That's when I woke up. I know everything it means. This was single handedly the best and worst dream I have ever had. It's everything I have been thinking about lately rolled into one. it's funny how dreams work like that sometimes.


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